JUNK, JUNK, & MORE JUNK
By Andy Weddington
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
"Hot funk, cold punk, even if it's old junk, it's still rock and roll to me." Billy Joel
Last week a gentleman traveling through Lindbergh Field--San Diego's airport--security opted for a TSA employee pat down vice subjecting himself to the revealing full body scan. The new "pat down" procedures, being considerably more aggressive, spurned the traveler to activate his cell phone recording tool and warn the TSA uniform, "Don't touch my junk." or he'd file sexual assault charges. And then the fireworks started.
"Don't touch my junk." has gone viral on the Internet. Air travelers are revolting. It's funny. It's not so funny. Not so funny at all. Not one bit.
Yet there's humor. Or so it struck me as humorous while mulling over new definitions for our more common junk lexicon.
Junk Science - informal for anatomical, biological, and chemical study of human junk.
Junk Bonds - yes it does.
Junk Removal - surgical step in gender reassignment.
Recycled Junk - surgical step in gender reassignment after junk removal.
Junk Mail - pornography.
Junk E-mail - electronic pornography.
Junk Car - any two, four, or more wheeled vehicle used for hauling one's junk around, and other's junk, too.
Junk Yard - any private or public place for junk, or a unit of measurement.
Junk Yard Dog - protector of junk yard.
Junk Food - use your imagination--enough said.
Junk Closet - long-term storage for fake junk.
Junk Drawer - short-term storage for fake junk.
Junk Man - a junk specialist.
Space Junk - astronauts.
Junk Appraiser - everyone beyond puberty.
Junk Doctor - urologist, gynecologist, and proctologist.
Junk Therapist - intimacy counselor.
Junkie - one infatuated with or hooked on junk; self or others.
Junk Pros - experts at handling junk.
Junk Pile - larger than average junk.
Junk Lawsuit - filed for illegal or criminal use of or against another's junk.
Junk on the Bunk - bringing new meaning to a traditional U.S. Marine Corps field gear inspection.
And my favorite...
Junk.com - website dedicated to helping you take care of your junk.
Hope you enjoyed this "Hump Day" humor?!