CARRIE, CARRIE, QUITE CONTRARY

CARRIE, CARRIE, QUITE CONTRARY
By Andy Weddington
Friday, 08 May 2009

You know something is amiss in America when, with all the fodder ripe for attack in politics (and there’s plenty of it between the President, Vice-President, and House Speaker alone), a beauty queen barely into her second decade of life—she turns 22 on May 13th—is shoved in front of spotlights and cameras—for 3rd degree treatment. Odd is it not that shameless kooky liberals (redundant terms I know) have resorted to antics and tactics that, per the current Administration’s policy toward torture, do not pass the sniff test of acceptable interrogation techniques—speak sweetly and don’t mistreat—outlined in the sanctioned Army Field Manual. Forget interrogating terrorists. If trainers at any of our military entry-level training bases were to launch an oral assault laced with the same despicable language toward recruits they’d be relieved of duty and facing non-judicial punishment or courts martial. And that is a fact.

Carrie Prejean—reigning Miss California—is a grown woman and certainly does not need me defending her but I just can’t ignore a damsel in distress. While recently competing for the coveted, and profitable, Miss USA title, Prejean—an All-American girl for sure—was asked a loaded, and arguably inappropriate and irrelevant, question as to whether she believed all states should legalize same-sex marriage.

Judge Perez Hilton’s question:

“Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?”

The curvaceous (who cares if God-given or man-made) looker from Vista, California responded:

“I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anyone out there but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be between a man and a woman.”

Not the most articulate reply but fair enough. Prejean stuck to her upbringing and morals and answered the question—honestly. It took courage to not bow to political correctness and spew some typical scripted nonsense about how all the world needs is understanding, peace, and love—and that, along with promoting group hugs, will be her agenda if crowned.

The only fault with Prejean’s answer was she included the “No offense to anyone out there but…” disclaimer. Opinions always offend someone. She was asked a question and gave an answer—her opinion. No disclaimer or apology necessary—period. No one in America needs to apologize for what they believe. We have men and women deployed globally, voluntarily risking injury and death at every turn, to protect that right. So how about some credit for Prejean’s morals and, most importantly, her integrity. She compromised neither and it just may have cost her the crown—she placed first runner-up. But make no mistake, Prejean is a winner. Integrity—substance—over form anyday. “Form” eventually goes away; surgery, implants, and collagen can only do so much and they are temporary. Substance ususally lasts.

Anyway, Prejean’s answer maddened Hilton who went on a tirade belittling her with foul name-calling (crude “B” and “C” words), citing her answer as the worst in the history of the Miss USA pageant, and she lost because she was dumb and not politically correct. That recap was the “G” version of nothing more than the inane view of a hysterical, insecure homosexual male who apparently believes everyone should happy-go-luckily embrace his deviate lifestyle. Sorry, pal, it’s not going to happen.

Hilton’s attack, as bad as it was coming from a pageant judge, paled in comparison to the hateful diatribe that gushed from the sewer mouth of some columnist named Musto with 'The Village Voice.' His insults are too absurd and vile to recap. In fact, so preposterous they were comical—lies meant to ruin the name and reputation of Prejean. He should be ashamed of himself. His parents must certainly be. Or so we can hope.

Whether Hilton, Musto, and the throng of those light-in-the-loafers like it or not, mainstream America regards homosexuality as deviate. Voters across the land have made that crystal clear. They, though socially tolerant—if only superficially, are not ready to recognize such relationships through the sanctity of traditional marriage—between a man and woman; as pointed out by Prejean. Though the federal government does not legally recognize same-sex marriage, five states (Connecticut, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Vermont) do permit Lance to say I take you Jim and Phyllis to say I take you Gertie. Notice anything in common? A pandemic in New England with an isolated pocket out west. Maybe it’s cold weather, brain freeze, and everyone’s right to keep “warm.” What say you, Al Gore? Global (if not Continental) “warming?” Notice anything else? California, the mecca of “fruits” and “nuts” is not among the five. Who would have ‘thunk?’ Hallelujah! The sane citizenry voted against same-sex marriage last fall when supporting Proposition 8. California aside, we all need to worry if Bubba and BillyRayJimBob, anywhere in Alabama, announce their nuptials.

As to the pageantry of parading beauties, two “leaders” affiliated with the circus who qualify for “special recognition”: Shanna Moakler (the Miss USA pageant’s co-director and a former Miss USA) saying Prejean was “unable to convey compassion for all the people that she would be representing as Miss USA,” and Keith Lewis, director of the Miss California pageant that Prejean won to qualify for the Miss USA pageant, who said, “I am personally saddened and hurt that Miss California USA 2009 believes marriage rights belong only to a man and a woman…Religious beliefs have no place in politics in the Miss California family.”

Maybe I missed something but Prejean’s answer did not indicate she lacked compassion nor did she make mention of any religious ideology. Could Moakler or Lewis have said anything more moronic? For them, matching “Dunce” crowns (from the same company that makes Joe Biden’s—if and when production for his ever slows) and a matching “Dunce” sash for Moakler. If these two are the best the Miss California and Miss USA organizations can do for leadership then it’s time to transition these contests to the Smithsonian. Some would argue that move is long overdue.

As for Musto and Hilton…they need their mouths washed out with king kong-sized soap sandwiches—Dial and Ivory linger the longest. Then some time in anger management and sensitivity—less the ‘touchy feely’ part—training. And I bet there’s a good ol’ boy or two—in Alabama—who’d like to render a great big whoopin’ on both of them. To assault Prejean merely because they took exception to her opinion is ridiculous—it’s not manly. Fag—Ooops…er, meant to say “Forgot,” they’re not manly! Real men do not beat up svelte beauty queens. Pardon the Freudian slip.

"Kudos" to conservative talk radio, Bill O’Reilly (host of The Factor on Fox), and millions of red-blooded Americans for coming to Prejean’s defense. Likewise did the non-profit National Organization for Marriage which opposes legalization of same-sex marriage. And still others are lining up daily to support her. It just may turn out she’ll achieve fame and make more money losing the pageant than had she won—a quirky irony of American pop culture. Look for her next season on ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘Dancing With The Stars’—maybe even both. She’s too young for ‘The Cougar.’

Prejean is certainly not suffering from lack of exposure (no pun intended). At this writing, unflattering photos—no doubt the product of youth and poor decision-making—of her while in her late teens, including at least one in pink skivvies (maybe it was a breast cancer awareness shoot), are on the web. Aghast pageant officials are huddling to consider whether Prejean’s past constitutes breach of contract to have vied for Miss California. What’s the big deal? Her swimsuit (if you can call it that) in the pageant competition covered less skin and that was a live performance (not still photography) including twists and turns in heels; ideal conditions for an equipment malfunction. Just ask Ms. Jackson.

Clearly this petty matter has spiraled completely out of control. Perhaps it’s time for Congress to engage. Why yes, of course. After all, they have recent history taking on the really tough issues facing America’s national security—e.g. steroid use in baseball, NCAA college football playoffs, Ponzi schemes. Why not beauty pageants? Imagine an ad hoc panel of dirty old men popping little blue, diamond-shaped pills summoning Prejean— in swimsuit and heels, of course — before the committee. Ridiculous? Maybe. Good grief. The only thing more ridiculous would be airing the proceedings on network TV with Pfizer the sole sponsor. Viva Viagra!

Though a few days early, “Happy Birthday, Carrie! Keep the faith. This too will pass. And, by the way, beware old guys flashing come-hither looks sporting 'tents'.”