CHEATER, CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER

CHEATER, CHEATER PUMPKIN EATER

By Andy Weddington

Sunday, 05 November 2023

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. - W. C. Fields

The big jack-o-lantern I carved with a simple happy face still rests atop a small white wrought iron decorative table on the front porch. 

Endurance a repeat of last year - eventually taking the collapsing decor to the woods for the animals and insects to devour. 

As to the carve, I didn't cheat - went old school with black magic marker and a butcher and paring knife. 

Then seasoned and slow-roasted the seeds. 

I remember the day when the personified squash couldn't make it through Halloween night - porch pirate (term invented since) pranksters snatching and smashing in the street. 

Our neighborhood today is different. 

Or the youngsters just have not yet aged into prankster phase. 

We did leave a couple hefty bowls of candy on the porch - with sign suggesting one or two - trusting in the honor system. 

But cheaters wiped them out.

The jack-o-lantern witnessed. He's mute. 

A couple of cheating related stories in recent news caught my eye. 

One about a male playing in a girls field hockey game who inflicted considerable damage on a girl's face - fracture, teeth knocked out, bruising, etc. 

Ridiculous. 

Males are dominating females in the swimming pool, bicycling, on courts and fields, and on stage - in beauty pageants. 

Yes, beauty pageants. 

Puzzling (to me) is why the females continue to compete?

The other story is about some sort of signal stealing brouhaha by the University of Michigan football team.

A coach was caught. 

Puzzling (to me) is why this is an issue?

I played football in youth. 

In fact, a couple of those years my dad (a quite good high school player) was head coach.

He taught fundamental football - hard tackling and blocking and punishing running.  

He designed the offense's plays. 

His lesson to the team: If every boy carries out his assignment, every play is a touchdown. In fact, boys, we can tell the defense where we're going and if you carry out your assignment we score. 

That was his theory. Mastery of the basic skills of the game. We won. 

Granted college (and pro) football is another level but hard tackling and blocking and punishing running better than the opponent required. 

Stolen signals?

Ho hum. So what. 

Theft. 

Cheating.

Getting an edge on the opposition. 

Call it what you will but it goes on in everything. 

Intellectual property.

Is that what a secret signal in football amounts to?

Rather amusing.

During World War II the Allies, unbeknownst to the enemy, got their hands on a German enigma machine and broke their secret signals. 

In all my reading of World War II I don't recall any allegations of cheating by the Americans and Allies. 

That was theft of intellectual property.

Long ago I walked away from spending irreplaceable time watching sports.

Sportsmanship. 

Mature boys facing off with girls? 

Will even a death end such craziness? 

Football signals so secret there's firestorm?

Sports is not war; despite coaches and players using the analogy on game day. 

Life is not fair and in many a sense is war. 

Instinct is to survive.

If instinct to survive is not clever and strong enough to ward off hostiles then guess what. 

There's real war underway across the sea. 

Secrets and theft and trickery along with hard tackling and blocking and punishing running will determine winner - the survivor. 

Whines of foul?

Hahaha. 

Mask secret signals with dummy secret signals, dummy.

Get Smart!  

Or perish. 

And for Pete's sake, eat seasoned slow-roasted pumpkin seeds. They're good for the brain, and brawn, and just may keep you from getting beat to a pulp.