31 July 2013

WEINER - QUICK, HIDE THE CHILDREN


WEINER - QUICK, HIDE THE CHILDREN
by Andy Weddington
Wednesday, 31 July 2013



"We're trying to get to the bottom of where the picture came from, and we're trying to get to the bottom of what it's of and who it's of."

Credit for the opening statement goes to Anthony 'Carlos Danger' Weiner.

Though asked, some pleading, numerous times the past couple of weeks to comment about New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner, I have resisted. There are more important matters of National concern to address and discuss - none related to Hebrews nor Ball Parks nor Nathans but important nonetheless.

However, perhaps it's time - to conquer mid-week blues - for a little lighter and shorter fare. I could use the break and suspect so could you.

So why not witty repartee about Weiner?!

Yes, why not?

Let's begin...

I do not relish the idea of opining about Weiner. But to ketchup with current events, to cut the mustard - as they say, I shall say a few words.

Polls show some New Yorkers have soured on the Kraut, Weiner. That could be because his creepy oversexed antics continue to get creepier, and headlines have been brutal if not hilarious.

Some of those headlines:

WEINER GOES LIMP
(Exposure is root of the problem.)

WEINER SHRINKS
(That can happen, especially when the climate, political, too, turns cold.)

WEINER PREFERS FOOT-LONGS
(I'm not saying anything.)

WEINER VOWS NOT TO PULL OUT - WILL HE FALL OUT?
(Sometimes there's no choice.)

WEINER CAN'T GET GOING
(All due to self-inflicted wounds.)

WEINER IS COMING UP SHORT
(The public - at-large and the long line of them, most anyway, are not amused.)

WEINER STIFFENS
(An image no one wants to imagine but it's all over the Internet.)

OTHER THREE CANDIDATES BEAT WEINER
(I recommend not shaking hands with any of them.)

WEINER CAMPAIGN MANAGER SACKS SELF - "NUTS!", HE MOANS
(That he did - quit the campaign.)

And on the comical headers of tawdry innuendo go. God bless our Constitution - freedom of speech and freedom of the press (however irresponsible).

Anthony Weiner is a creep. 

When first exposed, Weiner, as smug and condescending as Weiner can be, held press conferences with the major news outlets. He assumed he'd make a false statement - deny involvement and suggest hacking - and all, with the abetting friendly press, would suddenly go away. 

He said photographs of him, Weiner, floating about the ether world were not of him nor his equipment. He was emphatic.

And he said that while sitting face-to-face with Bret Baier of FOX News. Weiner lied! He lied his buns off.

Then after proof he lied - he confessed, "The picture was of me, and I sent it."

Anthony Weiner went from creep to self-certified creep. There is no higher form of authentication.

Humiliated and shamed, he was done as a congressman.

But, Weiner continued Weinering.

With more risqué texts and photographs - to multiple women not his wife - Weiner, again, exposed himself as the self-certified creep he is.

"Carlos Danger" he was - international man of mystery encased in juice and wrapped in plastic.

But to be frank, furter and furter he shrank in the public eye.

It was the death of a seasoned Weiner. Grilled! Charred - burnt to a crisp.

Oh, and Weiner's wife became chili. She wept as if over a cutting board of diced onion. Though with counseling and therapy her simmering attitude eased from three alarm to mild. She swept the tears away.

She, also of creepy character, decided to stand by her Weiner. And she staked her claim on the tube. Hooray for TV!  

It's all rather creepy.

Creepier still is more than 40% of New York City dwellers polled believe Weiner should stand tall and hang in there.

And that's enough to keep me from visiting New York City - even if there are great hotdogs to be had. Besides, the current mayor levied a restriction on cup size. That, too, problematic.

"Pull out Weiner!" Make that, "Pull out, Weiner!" Oh, the comma. And let the chips fall where they may.

In closing, media has played up the Weiner family's close knit ties to the Clintons. But the Clintons, concerned for Hillary's 2016 presidency run, are distancing themselves; superficially, of course. But let there be no mistake, on the outside chance Hillary were to occupy the White House, there would be no Weiner in the Oval Office. I'd bet a box of cheap cigars on it.

The moral of the story: A Weiner can make for a lot of trouble.

If you are one tending to give Weiner a hand, glove it.

It's impossible to make this stuff up. Life is positively more entertaining than fiction. Material abound. Pay attention. Look closely.

Every day is an amusement ride - roller coaster, tilt-a-whirl, merry-go-round, and yes, a log flume all rolled into one. And then some!

Finally,

Today's comment is a gift for you, Ken - Happy Birthday! Cheer(s)wine!

Post Script

Sorry, fans of slaw, I could not figure a way to work it in. I thought I had one but pulled it out at the last second. 

4 comments:

Dottie Jean said...

Funny and clever. I didn't know it was possible to squeeze so many puns out of a dog of a story.

Keith Smith said...


You never cease to amaze me Col.once again you have proven to be a very smart man.

Keith Smith said...

You never cease to amaze me Col.once again you've proven to be a great writer.

Jim Bathurst said...

BRAVO my esteemed Colonel of Marines! Once again you have raised the level of commentary. I applaud your use of so many puns (intended or not). Great show Andy, keep it up, I love it, as I do you my brother. Semper Fi, Jim