PARDON MY SARCASM

PARDON MY SARCASM
by Andy Weddington
Sunday, 18 December 2011


"Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded." Fyodor Dostoevsky


Some of the dopey, head scratching tidbits of news, all true, that caught my eye during the past couple of weeks--complemented with opinion, of course...

A woman in the town where I live was snookered out of $7,000. Seems a slick-talking stranger approached her in front of a grocery store and told a hard luck story of hard times, a sick child, said he needed cash fast, and that he had a gold bar to sell cheap. Enter a second stranger (accomplice). Their scam included a bogus verbal appraisal of $20,000; some sort of meant-to-deceive exchange of cash and gold bar between the strangers; and, drum roll please, another gold bar the first stranger just happened to have on hand and was willing to sell cheap. The woman took the bait, handed over her cash, and then took the bar to a gold appraisal store. It was brass. The police are looking for the strangers.

Opinion: Never mind the dozen or so questions the scenario raises, not sure why the police are wasting their time. Charge the woman with stupidity and greed, and move on. Fools. And their money. Soon parted. Good grief.

Jon S. Corzine, once governor of New Jersey; once a United States Senator; an experienced business executive; and CEO of MF Global sat before a congressional panel, more than once the past week or so, and has yet to explain, sensibly or not, the whereabouts of $1.2 billion. That's right, $1.2 billion. He was the man in charge and claims he has no idea where the money is. Hmmm. It did not escape me that the nameplate resting on the table before him read: "The Honorable Jon S. Corzine." No, I'm not kidding. "Honorable"?  Unbelievable.

Opinion: Put this dumbass, this thief (super grand theft), in prison awaiting trial, under stressful conditions, and $20.00 says his memory returns--quickly and clearly. "Honorable"? Good grief.

Speaking of honor...
Our esteemed Attorney General, Eric Holder, time and again proving he's not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, testifying before a congressional committee regarding the 'Fast & Furious' operation--the inane gun-selling program to Mexican drug cartels that left a U. S. Border Patrol agent dead--attempted to explain the difference between "misleading" and "lying" to Congress. That in reference to a letter, filled with falsehoods (politician speak for "lies") his office sent to Congress formally responding to questions about the program.

Opinion: It seems our land's number one lawyer is a misleading liar. Fire him. Good grief.

I read a newspaper article the other day outlining Mr. Obama's "accomplishments." Yes, really. The article specifically stated "accomplishments." I was unaware there had been any so was intrigued enough to closely read the article. His hallmark "accomplishment," according to the article, was passage of the health care bill.

Opinion: The article's premise begs a question, "Can something be considered an 'accomplishment' if an overwhelming majority of the people opposed it, hate it, and the GOP candidates for president, if elected, have vowed to repeal it?" "Accomplishment"? Really? The acronym 'YHGTBSM' comes to mind. Good grief.

All over the news this past week were reports of good Samaritans, Secret Santas, whatever you want to call them appearing at Wal-Marts, and other such stores across the country, and paying off lay-a-way accounts. Generous. Noble. Smart?

Opinion: Is this just another form of bailout? It was an unquenchable thirst for things not affordable, purchased through credit--not affordable, that's in large part responsible for our country's current economic mess. How are the irresponsible to learn if always being bailed out? When and where will those lessons be learned? Bah. Humbug. Good grief.

I saw a news report about some loony efforts afoot to not require voters to provide ID before voting--particularly in the upcoming presidential election. What? Their argument was that requiring ID was discriminatory. And, that IDs are expensive. What? How ironic there's requirement to provide an ID before cashing a check, buying cigarettes and alcohol and medical marijuana, prior to boarding an airplane, and sundry other purposes but not before the civic duty and most important act of voting?

Opinion: Mr. Obama is toast. He won't be able to steal the election. Stupid. Really stupid. And, accordingly, stupid people, yet again, make euthanasia sound reasonable in the best interest of society. Want to vote? Provide ID. Don't like it? Get your sorry ass out of America. Good grief.

Listening to a Fox News panel debate the merits of GOP presidential candidates, their personal lives baggage, and the recent polls reflecting the strong upward surge of the former Speaker of the House, columnist Peter Wehner said this, "The Gingrich rocket continues to rise..."

Opinion: Bahahahahahahaha. Wehner said it without snickering or blushing. Arguably not the best choice of words considering Newt's amorous history. Oh, there was no comment as to whether the panel, off camera, was laughing hysterically. Good grief.

Tim Tebow, the rookie sensation NFL quarterback leading the Denver Broncos, is an outwardly religious man. He has routine of taking a knee before each game and praying. Harmless enough--or so one would think. But the nutcases determined to squelch PDR (Public Displays of Religion) are incensed. They're mocking and ridiculing Tebow and doing their damnedest to stop children, aping Tebow, from praying in public places.

Opinion: Finally, youth have a positive, wholesome role model in sports. It's about damn time. And they're mimicking Tebow's example--fine and dandy. All good. Or so one would think. Screw the nutcases. Don't like it? With ID or not, get your sorry asses out of America. Good grief.

Just today it was reported our government's congressional franking commission has banned members of the  House of Representatives from sending seasonal official correspondence (taxpayer funded) with the words "Merry Christmas."

Opinion: Happy Festivus. Now let me be frank, "Up yours (chimney, that is), franking commission." Ho. Ho. Ho.

No, I don't make this stuff up. I don't have to. And couldn't if I had to.

As Mark Twain opined, "The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet."

Merry Christmas!