24 February 2015


by Andy Weddington
Tuesday, 24 February 2015

"And no, we don't know where it will lead. We just know there's something much bigger than any of us here." Steve Jobs

Why not pick an Apple? When ready, when ripe, that is.

Is Apple going to make a car?

So recent news suggests. 

But that news is scant. Secretive Apple is. Though the year 2020 has appeared in print.

Where are the investigative reporters? Why aren't they paring away for a story, the story?

An interview with an Apple anonymous insider could be enlightening.

Might a first encounter go something like this...

IR (Investigative Reporter)
AAI (Apple Anonymous Insider)

IR: "So, rumor is Apple is working on a car. True? If so, where did this idea come from?"

AAI: "Let's just say the market is ripe for something new. And the idea, well, stemmed from (Steve) Jobs." 

IR: "First things first, what about financing such a huge project? Though Apple is wildly profitable is money an issue?"

AAI: "Seed money is not an issue."

IR: "What sort of business decision is this?"

AAI: "Well, it's about profits and jobs, and Jobs. Apple is not going out on a limb. Think of this car project as another branch of Apple products. As said a moment ago, the market is ripe and we want a bite - with our byte. Think of Johnny Appleseed and so goes our approach - plant and sow."

IR: "Care to expound on that last comment?"

AAI: "Well, there'll be Apple plants - to build the cars - across the globe. Apple will sow them through 'orchards' (a dealership by another name but different, much different). And customers will be able to customize and order through their phone, pad, or Mac."

IR: "How will the cars be powered - gasoline; battery; combination; solar; fertilizer; something new?"

AAI: "Secret. But I'll give you a hint - it won't be cider."  

IR: "Can you give some perspective on the brains of the car?"

AAI: "At the core will be a new type of processor. And worm-free. There'll be no need for a bug man nor doctor."

IR: "What about the look? Anything you're willing to reveal about designs, names, and colors and such?"

AAI: "Art, design, and marketing are still working on those matters. But to be sure lines will be sleek, names catchy, and eye-popping mouth-watering colors range from red to green and colors in between - all will be tasty, some delicious."

IR: "Any thoughts about what the critics are saying - that making cars is not making phones and computers and it's a complicated business and that Apple is biting off more than it can handle?"

AAI: "Sounds like sour grapes. Prunes. Think Apple pie - easy - and 0s and 1s and 1, 2, 3, too."

IR: "Steve Jobs, when winding down his formal public presentation of a new product, was famous for teasingly saying, "And one more thing," do you have one more thing?" 

AAI: "Flying Apples!"

IR: "Cider?"

AAI: "Sure!"

Post Script

"Stay hungry, stay foolish." Steve Jobs


Unknown said...

Very apeeling!

Rob Barrow said...

Always crisp writing from you Colonel.