by Andy Weddington
Friday, 06 February 2015
"Half a truth is often a great lie." Benjamin Franklin
"I honed my hunting knife to such an edge that when I removed it from its scabbard, the shadow of the blade lopped off two kitchen legs and a ceiling fan blade before I could reach the light switch."
That (purposeful) lie was told by George M. Covington of Clinton, Louisiana, in 1984 and earned him the annual (ongoing since 1929) Burlington Liars' Club award 'World Champion Liar.'
And I remember first hearing of Mr. Covington's prestigious win shortly after the announcement back in the day because it made the news. I heard it on TV. It's stuck (pardon the pun) with me.
The following year Mary Marie Weatherly of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, won with...
"Here in Oklahoma, we have very high winds, but 2 years ago they were higher than usual, and the tomatoes in my garden couldn't get ripe because the wind kept blowing the sun off them."
In 1989 Mary B. Lathrop of Garden City, Kansas, won with...
"My mother gave me a slow cooker for Christmas. It cooks so slow, the bean soup sprouts."
Donald Theisen of Appleton, Wisconsin, won in 1994 with...
"My grandfather could hone a kitchen knife so sharp that grandma could slice off a piece of bread so thin it only had one side. To put butter on, you had to fold it first."
An international contest, 1997's winner was Anna Hallin of Sollentuna, Sweden, with...
"In Sweden, where I live, the summers are so cold that you can pick the blueberries deep-frozen directly from the bushes."
David Milz of Bristol, Wisconsin, won 2010's title with...
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met."
To current events, 2013's winner, Daryl Lockwood of Waupaca, Wisconsin, won with...
"My new health insurance plan contained so many clauses that Santa is considering suing for defamation of character."
And in 1960 a Marine, Gunnery Sergeant Joe Sage of Oceanside, California, won with...
"As a career Marine with 18 years behind me, I have seen some strange sights, and this one I would like to pass on to you. There is here in the northern sector of Okinawa, a strange bird known as the saccharine swallow. The bird is so named because its song is so sweet that diabetics have to wear ear-muffs to shut out its voice."
Finally, this year's purposeful - but not in the spirit of the famous Burlington, Wisconsin, club - lie though making news headlines will not be considered...
The 'Chopper Whopper' - as told by Brian Williams (Anchor, NBC Nightly News) of New Canaan, Connecticut...
"We were in some helicopters. What we didn't know was, we were north of the invasion. We were the northernmost Americans in Iraq. We were going to drop some bridge portions across the Euphrates so the Third Infantry could cross on them. Two of the four helicopters were hit, by ground fire, including the one I was in, RPG and AK-47."
Mr. Williams claims he misremembered. Another purposeful lie.
In closing...
There is a difference between concocted fabrications to entertain while competing for a professional award and concocted fabrications if you are a professional trusted to report truth while entertaining.
Post Script
The whole truth.
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