29 December 2013


by Andy Weddington
Sunday, 29 December 2013

 "To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also." Igor Stravinsky

The A&E executives have rediscovered the religion of business - it's all about the money. And you don't mess around with a successful recipe - especially when offering Duck.

And those executives at A&E have discovered religion. That old-time religion - of God, prayers, and guns. And that that religion means something to the good ol' folks - red-blooded Americans.

Along the way those same A&E executives learned something about hunting - not so much ducks but Ducks.

Ten, of many, lessons...

1. Know your game. A duck is not a Duck. A Mallard or Wild Duck genus Anas Platyrhynchos is not a Phil(lard) genus Homo sapien Robertson.

2. Know your game plan. Wading into the swamp without one - and a map and compass - will land you in muck up to your eyebrows. Any deeper than knee-deep is not good.

3. Know the landscape. Beware alligators and snakes and other frightful swamp creatures. All bite. So do red-blooded Americans.

4. Know the territory. The term "blind" refers to something, a position, from which hunters shoot at ducks. And there is application to sight - check your corporate vision (see successful recipe).

5. Know how to shoot. Always keep the barrel pointed downrange otherwise you might shoot your eye out. And, shooting from the hip will not bring down ducks. Nor Ducks.

6. Know the clothing. Wear camouflage. Pinstripes, and silk ties of colors not found in nature, in the swamp is stupid.

7. Know the footwear. Wear boots. Wingtips leak.

8. Know the lure. When calling ducks use a Robertson call to "quack." When calling Ducks say, "Sir."

9. Know the sport from start to finish. After the hunt, clean your weapon, gear, and self - in that order. And pray.  

10. Know and thank God you live in America, and that the good ol' folks are usually willing to forgive - it's their way, their religion.

In closing...

Down in Louisiana, Avery Island to be precise, the McIlhenny family bottles a condiment called TABASCO - a pepper sauce. As the good ol' folks, the family Robertson, and Marines know, it's good on most everything from fried eggs to sardines to chicken and even duck.

Those aforementioned A&E executives best get a bottle, a big one, of the spicy red juice to mask that awful taste of crow.

Remember, A&E executives, you're in the 'Entertainment' (Arts is a matter of opinion) business - it's a religion - and your Ducks sound "cha-ching" and "quack," too.     

Post Script

In case you've not heard, Phil Robertson, patriarch of Duck Dynasty, was suspended by A&E executives a few weeks back. He's back!

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