AN HORRIFIC CONGRESSIONAL OVERSIGHT
by Andy Weddington
Sunday, 03 February 2013
"Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish." Albert Einstein
Today being Super Bowl Sunday seems the fitting day for this comment.
Some may think it satire. Cynical. Sarcastic. But, not so written.
During the past few days, amongst all the overwhelming little else I've had to do, I decided to do some research - I perused rosters for NCAA Division I and professional athletic teams. The men's teams, of course.
Surely you will be as shocked, appalled, and disturbed as I to learn that I could not find the name of a single woman on any team. Not one. There was not a woman on a football, basketball, nor hockey roster - college and the NFL, NBA, and NHL; not a single woman.
How can that possibly be? How can this possibly stand? Are there no women good enough - big, strong, agile, fast enough - to compete with the men? Are Americans to believe that?
Do not spectators, paying top dollar, deserve to see the best athletes, gender not withstanding, compete? And earn the millions of dollars salaries? After all, it's just a game. It's just entertainment.
Why have teams for males and females? Isn't that sexist? It's expensive - an even bigger concern these days.
Where are the roaring feminists?
It's past time for Congress to engage and put an end to this nonsense. My god, what has taken so long?
It is the American culture to want the best, to separate the weak from the strong, and to root for winners and heckle and boo losers. No one cares about gender.
So, in the name of fairness - of "sexual equality" (a bewildering term popular these days), and of responsible use of tight fiscal resources let's end this "men's" and "women's" athletic competition model. It's dated. It's so "old-fashioned" - not meeting with today's modern American hip culture.
It's on your shoulders, Congress. Do something. And do it now. Pass law, immediately, requiring college and professional teams, of all sports, to be a mix of men and women. The law(s) must cite quotas for numbers of males and females per team; how many of each must be in starting lineups; how much playing time each must have; etc.
And with your mandate, college presidents and chancellors and professional team owners, coaches, trainers, et al., will develop the fair gender-neutral standards and requirements.
Furthermore, law must address all competitions that now hold separate events (e.g., track and field; crew; marathons; volleyball; figure skating; skiing; tennis; golf; etc.) for men and women. And don't forget to include the Olympics. On that note, figure skating changes - one competition for singles and one competition for pairs. Pairs can be mixed gender or same gender - choice of skirts or trousers up to the athletes. No one cares other than to see the best perform and win.
I, for one, am looking forward to the Super Bowl when women are on the field - not as cheerleaders but as linemen, linebackers, and running backs.
I'm also looking forward to commentators injecting personal touches about the players - Bill, "Wow!, Jim, did you see the dress Brenda Jackson wore to the dome on game day?"
And as goes human nature, the politically incorrect sidebar caught on a hot mike, "So, what number does Brenda wear, Bill?" "38D, Jim." "Well, well, okay then."
Let's get it done Congress.
Yes, I know it sounds queer.
Ho hum. Pass the chips, and a cold beer.
What time is kickoff?